A proud single mum and birthing entrepreneur

In this episode of Our Voices, we are introduced to Siobhan, a proud single mum who founded The Positive Birth Company. She talks about a crucial decision she had to make as a young woman, and her difficult relationship with her mother.

A difficult mother

In this episode of Our Voices, we are introduced to Siobhan, a proud single mum who founded The Positive Birth Company. She talks about a crucial decision she had to make as a young woman, and her difficult relationship with her mother.

Siobhan grew up with a powerful mother figure. Her mum, Eileen, domineered over the household. “She was this force. And when she was angry, she was angry. She was a strong character. She stuck with her opinion and there was no changing it.”

Single-minded vision

Eilen was also extremely dedicated to her family. She was determined to provide her children with a more prosperous upbringing than she had herself received. But the extent of her focus on her children threatened to become stifling.

 “She was a martyr, really, to her children, which I don’t think is a good thing. She never did anything for herself, never went shopping, she never had any hobbies. Her whole life was taken up with providing for her children. But the downside to that is she had a very clear vision of what she wanted us to be.”

This clear vision excluded the desires that Siobhan had for her own future. Eileen was particularly fixated on the idea that Siobhan become a doctor, for example. A desire that Siobhan did not share. Yet Siobhan did not feel confident revealing her own ambitions to her mother and when she selected her A-Levels, she felt she had to do this without her mother’s knowledge.

A tumultuous relationship with her mother

Eileen’s presence wasn’t just felt in terms of Siobhan’s future career choices. She was also extremely strict when it came to her daughter’s social life.

 “She didn’t want me to go out, she didn’t want me to buy fashionable clothes, or waste my money on those things that she felt were frivolous. We had such a tumultuous relationship, where I really wasn’t supported in what I wanted to do. And so we just fought a lot.”

A life-changing decision

At the age of 17, Siobhan made a life-changing decision: she decided to leave home. She had carefully planned the situation in advance. Her boyfriend at the time lived with his family who had a spare room. She had also saved up some money from weekend jobs. 

The only barrier was having to tell her mother what she had planned. She finally arranged to do this in her childhood bedroom. As she prepared to speak, Siobhan describes feeling physically sick. 

“I was absolutely petrified. And I really thought she was going to lose her cool and shout and scream and be really mad.”

Unexpected reaction

When the words eventually did come out, however, her mother calmly consented to her daughter’s decision to leave.

 “I expected that there would be these big huge arguments and conversations but she didn’t try to persuade me to stay and she didn’t tell me I couldn’t go. I still to this day don’t really know why… Something in the way that I must have said it, she must have realised I was serious.”

Becoming a single mum

Clearly, Siobhan had taken on something of her mother’s determination. This was further evidenced when, 3 years later, Siobhan found herself in an extremely vulnerable situation. She was a university student and she had become pregnant.

Feeling fearful and ashamed about the prospect of becoming a single mum, she had gone to an abortion clinic but her mind was not yet made up. On the one hand, she was a student with bleached blonde hair and piercings, surely she wasn’t ready to be a mother… Yet the conversation she had with the consultant fundamentally changed her perspective.

 “He said something like, of all the people he’d met today, I seemed like the most capable of being a mother. Whether that was true or not, I have no idea. But those were the words I needed to hear. I needed someone, an adult, to tell me you can do this.” 

Graduating with First-Class Honours

Unfortunately, her mother continued to be unsupportive. She feared that Siobhan’s pregnancy would mean her daughter would not be able to continue with her studies. But not only did Siobhan get her degree, but she also got it with First-Class Honours and her young son was even present at her graduation. 

“I absolutely wanted to prove that you’re all wrong. It was only my mum that was saying it, but I felt like the general kind of societal attitude towards me was, ‘you’re going to be a young single good for nothing mother’. And I was determined to not be that.”

Discovering Hypnobirthing

Ironically, not only has Siobhan not let being a single mum get in her way, but having children has been a clear motivator for Siobhan’s success. After the birth of her second child, she discovered the benefits of Hypnobirthing: 

“I gave birth without any intervention, no pain relief. I felt invincible, and that gave me a confidence that can never be taken. From that moment, I was like, this is what I want to do – everybody should have access to that.”

Starting The Positive Birth Company

So Siobhan started The Positive Birth Company. It’s an organisation which provides future parents with affordable and inclusive information about pregnancy and attempting to conceive.

Describing a particularly memorable situation, she talks about trying to support a woman who was going to have a stillbirth as her child had passed away just before he was due to be born. Naturally, the woman was extremely scared but the information and guidance she had had on hypnobirthing helped her to manage the situation. “She used everything she’d learned to be able to have a positive, empowering and beautiful birth, even though she knew that her baby was not going to be alive.” 

Reflecting on the situation, Siobhan says “She’s a role model for me. How she navigated that experience, I think of her and I think, you’ve got to try and find the positives, even in the darkest times. I think she’s inspirational.”

Fixing a strained relationship

Siobhan’s life experiences, including becoming a single mum, have helped her to understand her own mum better as she has got older. She realises that she has inherited her mother’s dedicated work ethic. This has helped to provide her with the drive to start and succeed with her own business. 

But she also realises that it is important to attain balance. “I am now having to learn how to relax, and how to disentangle the importance of relaxing for your well-being from feeling shame about being lazy or guilty…. but I certainly owe a lot to my mum.” Perhaps this recognition can lead Siobhan and Eileen to one day start fixing their strained relationship.